Any Marriage Advice?

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I was at a party last month that was celebrating another young couple getting engaged. I'd gone to school in the same class as the girl for a year, and I was (and am!) beside myself with excitement for her.

My sister-in-law and I finally got a chance to approach her through the crowd of well-wishers, and we hugged her and congratulated her and asked her questions about the upcoming wedding.

At a certain point, she asked if we had any marriage advice for her. I said with a laugh, "Well, we're not entirely experts since we haven't been at it for so long!" (My sister-in-law married my brother three months after I got married, and I got married at the end of last year.)
But following this, it only took me a few moments before something popped into my mind that seemed like something everyone has to deal with.

The advice I gave her--the first thing I thought of--was that no matter how close you are to another person, it takes some adjustment to live with them.
Beside me, my sister-in-law sounded her full-hearted agreement.

No matter how long you know the person before hand and no matter how much time you spend with him/her--living with said person is a whooole different ball game.

It has nothing to do with any kind of deficit on the part of either party; it's just human nature. Getting used to such a huge life style change takes time, growth, and patience (with yourself as much as with the other person!).
 You both came from different households and different lives, and are now teaming up to make your own household.
What is as normal to you as breathing in how you live in the privacy of your home might shock your new spouse--and vice versa.
If the two of you find yourselves on each other's nerves frequently, don't fret: It's normal. 

If you grew up with siblings, this should make sense to you: Remember all the times you and your siblings fought  growing up. You were in each other's space. Now imagine if you'd only seen your siblings for lunch or for an outing a few times a week. You might still not have agreed on everything, but you probably would've been a lot less tense with each other!

Even still, adjusting to living with a spouse is obviously different than living with a sibling. For one thing, as I pointed out to my friend, you can't just punch the other person in the arm when you're frustrated with him/her (though it might be tempting sometimes!).

 I had brothers growing up, so adjusting to living with a male in general (while still an adjustment!) wasn't quite as difficult as it could have been.
For a heterosexual gal who only has sisters, living with a man for the first time might be shocking and horrifying at times: He got what on the bathroom floor?! 
It takes growth, compromise, and effort.







And you're now around the love of your life probably a lot more often and longer than you ever used to be. Don't feel like you have to be cooing in each other's arms every moment, 24/7--and that if you're not, there's something wrong with your relationship.
It's good to have the occasional "me-time" and get together with the girls or just have some time to yourself to relax and unwind.

Feelings of irritation and frustration are normal in the process of getting used to living with another person (even if that person is truly your soul mate).
Try to find ways to deal with your frustration that are constructive for both of you. But even if you slip up once in a while and are slightly less-than-constructive (and we all have those moments ;) ), apologize and make up with your spouse--and try not to be TOO hard on yourself.
And don't act on your feelings in a drastic way; everyone goes through this, and you have the strength to work it out.