Yesterday, marked the 2nd month that my husband and I have been married. It's absolutely incredible to me that it's only been two months; so much has happened. It already feels like so much longer.
There are a few important things, I think, to know about being a long-term relationship (not that I'm at all an expert; after all, it's only been two months. ;) Still, I have a few insights.).
1) Never, ever compare your relation to that of some other couple.
First of all, every person is an individual, and it's not healthy to compare one person to another; we were all created to be a different part of a whole picture.
Just the same if not more so, relationships are individual too. It's not healthy to measure your relationship's success by another relationship.
Also, you have to know that EVERY RELATIONSHIP HAS ITS CONS. Sure, some couples seem to have the most romantic moments in the history of ever, but that doesn't mean they don't have their problems too. Some people are just really good at looking perfect, and hiding their issues from the public eye.
Every relationship has its difficulties--and that's beautiful. If we didn't have those little things we're constantly at odds with, we wouldn't be afforded the growth they offer from their constant pressing and grating. Be glad for your unique relationship, and love it just the way it is. Love its quirky little difficult things too, because those are unique for you and your significant other, and they are what help the two of you to grow together.
2) Have a sense of humor.
Fortunately, this is generally pretty easy for me. If I had to choose a movie genre for my life, I'd undoubtedly choose comedy (maybe comedy-romance, if I'm feeling mushy). But nonetheless, what with the day in and day out of being in a constant relationship, it's easy to get caught up in the little things. And if you focus on those little things, focus on the "point of the matter," it can block your vision of seeing the light, joy, and funniness inherent in the breath of life we've been given. I can have my emotional moments (I am a girl, after all). But now that I try to remember not to take the little things so seriously, to see the big picture--my relationship is much stronger, and life in general is much more rich. Find something to laugh about in every would-be-difficult situation (or if you can't find something, MAKE something to laugh about), and things will suddenly seem much lighter and less scary and intense.
(Note: I am NOT advocating ignoring important issues, or making light of serious problems. That's something else all together.)
3) Remember that the other person doesn't have all the answers.
Sure, you're in a relationship and it's got its scary moments. I mean, I went from being a 19 year old girl living at home, to being a housewife. The instant you get that ring on your finger at the wedding ceremony, you don't immediately transform from you to You the Perfect Wife and Adult. You're still the same you, but it a huge role you've never had before.
Before, when I felt overwhelmed or scared, I knew my parents were there watching out for me and taking care of me. Now, I'm half of a whole. It's really easy to expect the other person to be perfect, and make everything perfect and easy. And it's probably even easier to get upset at them when they don't.
Remember: Your spouse is in the same or very nearly the same boat as you. Do you think he feels any different? Do you think he's never uncertain or doesn't know what to do? You're both just people, on a journey through life. Life is huge and uncertain--and often as scary as it is wonderful.
Be there for each other, and never forget just how scared or inexperienced the other person might be too.
When you remember that you're a team on the same page of your story in life--a duo of fresh-faced new explorers of this thing we call Life--it helps you bond and feel connected.
4) "I love you" isn't just something you say; it's something you LIVE.
It's vitally important to verbally declare your love for your significant other--but that's not the start and end of expressing love to your SO. Actions matter. Does that mean fireworks over the lake every evening, rose petals on the bed sheets, and a catered breakfast in bed, complete with a love sonnet played by some fancy guitarist? No. Those things are nice, sure (and they definitely are welcomed!)--but more important are the things that seem more mundane and boring.
Like making sure those bed sheets, albeit un-strewn with rose petals, are clean so that your spouse can sleep better. Or--forget the music and catering--make your spouse has breakfast (even if you have to cook it yourself), or pack your spouse lunch. (A hungry tummy is not a happy tummy.)
I'd even go so far as to say that love is those little--or big--things you do just to benefit your spouse, like taking out the trash when it's cold outside and your hands are full, without being asked. (Yes, tribute to my husband there. What a guy!) Hey, who knew taking out the trash could be so romantic and special?
Those little mundane tasks mean the most. When you take care of each other, not only do you show your love to each other, but that love grows stronger.
I am so grateful and glad to be celebrating my second month of growth and adventure with my wonderful husband.
k'eh
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