Sad Parts

[I make a sad moan noise from the other room, while watching TV]

My Husband: What? What?
Me: Sad part.
My Husband: Skip it.
Me: You're not supposed to skip the sad parts, because they make you more grateful for the happy parts.
My Husband: Nicely said.


Photo source: http://weheartit.com/entry/7231246

The Definition of Bread

I'm starting to realize just how ridiculous most of the fights one gets into with one's significant other are. In the heat of the moment, they seem to have the-world-hangs-in-the-balance-life-or-death proportions. But later (or to other people), it's obvious how silly and trivial they often are.
My husband and I once got into a heated, nearly hour long debate over the definition of bread, and we were really upset at the time. It makes you question "Did I marry the right person? Does he know what bread truly is??" Which is, of course, intensely ridiculous and laughable.
It's just growing pains. Just remember that the next time you get into a major argument with your SO.

 I was able to recognize the silliness the last time we had a slight spat, and it actually ended up making both of us laugh a lot. I saw the humor in it, and that reflected in my arguments. When you can both sense the humor and not take things (or yourselves) so seriously, it can turn a potential fight into a laugh for both of you. My over-done and extremely obnoxious mock venting did that for both of us today (including texting tongue-sticking-out smileys at my guy about thirty times just to be annoying).

I tried to find a clip of the scene of Tom and Violet having a fight in the Five Year Engagement ("I just want to be alone...with you here."), but sadly could not. (On that subject, I found that that movie was three times funnier when I watched it while drinking a Tipsy Float.)

Food Stock (Recipes)

Let's face it, girls--guys eat a lot. Personally, I generally eat very little (unless I'm PMSing or something). So, it's been a bit of a race to keep enough food stocked in our apartment to keep my husband full. Buying a girl amount of groceries does not last for more than a day or two when you live with a guy.

I finally got smart and started making meals in those tin disposable pans. I can leave them in the fridge or freezer, then just heat them up for him. He'll often keep eating from the pan of food for the rest of the day too, so I don't have to worry if he can find anything or not. The other good thing about this method is that I can make a bunch of food at once, and freeze some so I don't have to worry about cooking later.

So far, my main two pan foods are pasta and a sort-of Mexican casserole.
The pasta is really basic: I just make a bunch of pasta (farfalle, rotini, whatever) and put it in the pan. I season it with spices like Mrs. Dash, oregano, pepper. Then I add a bag of frozen vegetables, maybe another layer of pasta, more spices, a jar to a jar and a half of spaghetti sauce, and some shredded mozzarella cheese. Presto. (I plan to make a similar dish, but with soy beef crumbles in it.)

My Mexican dish is really popular with my husband; he likes to eat it with the multigrain Scoops tortilla chips I buy; I sometimes like to eat it in the multigrain tortillas I buy.

Mexican-style Casserole-ish Dish

• Simple Truth Organic Chili Beans
• Simple Truth Organic Tri Bean Blend
• Soy meat crumbles
• Can of Mexicorn
• (Cooked) Brown rice 
• Ortega taco seasoning spices
• Southwestern black bean and corn salsa
• Shredded mozzarella cheese

First, begin some brown rice to cook (it takes around 45 minutes approximately to make).

In a pan (I prefer rectangular, 9x13 disposable tin pans), pour a can of Simple Truth Organic Chili Beans, and a can of Simple Truth Organic Tri Bean Blend (rinse the Tri Beans in a colander first; they will be slightly smelly).

Next, dump in a bad of soy beef crumbles (I use the Publix store brand, because they contain no dairy).

Add a can of Green Giant Mexicorn (drain the excess liquid before adding).

Add the cooked brown rice. (I like to mix the brown rice and the soy crumbles together to make it more even.)

Season liberally with Ortega taco spice blend (they sell it in an actual spice bottle).

Pour in around a cup or more of Southwestern black bean and corn salsa.

 Sprinkle the top with shredded mozzarella cheese if desired.

Can be frozen, or cooked right then. If the soy meat is still frozen, I like to cook it at around 400 degrees (F), for maybe 40 minutes. Really, all that needs to happen is the soy meat needs to be cooked to the point that it's not frozen, and the cheese has to melt. (Sometimes, if my husband isn't home or ready to eat at that point, I just leave it in the oven with the oven turned to WARM, it's lowest setting. That way, the food stays hot but doesn't burn.)

I've considered adding a can of diced green chili peppers, but I haven't gotten around to it yet.
SUPER, super easy!

Let's Get Tipsy, Baby!

Okay, I have a confession: I generally don't like alcoholic beverages. I just don't. I'm not into wines or beers.
But I have found one drink I LOVE--and that is Cherry Pucker shnapps. Super girly, yeah yeah.
Anyway, I made my own mixed drink using this. As probably most/any of my mixed drinks will be based on Cherry Pucker shnapps, you might want to substitute for something else. But not for this one; it's already awesome.

                               The Tipsy Float

                                          (Picture here when I get my camera, hopefully.)

• In a 32oz cup (I think...), scoop a big ol' chunk of cherry ice cream (I think cherry cordial ice cream would be amazing, but I haven't found any that holds up to my dietary standards as of yet). 
• Pour at least 1/2c of Cherry Pucker shnapps over the ice cream.
• Add maybe 1/4c to 1/2c of Fresca (depending on how much zing you want). 
• Top it off with some Diet Cherry 7-Up, filling it all the way up to the brim. Should be nice and foamy.
• Grab a straw and enjoy, baby! 

Goals of Marriage

After a failure in a different relationship, I had to get my priorities straight. I had used the other person as a source of validity for my own insecurities, and in doing so, had gotten lost in the other person. My relationship had become a controlled one, with my fear of losing the source of my self-confidence keeping me dancing like a puppet on strings for the guy I was with. In between that break up and meeting my now husband, I did a lot of self-searching and changing.
I gained a real sense of self-confidence, and used self-control to keep from falling into my old patterns of seeking validity from outer sources (particularly guys). (It did help me to realize that I wasn't anyone's last choice when I had ten guys contact me in the week and a half after my break up.)
I defined my goals for wanting a marriage relationship:

• To have someone to grow with
• To have someone to give to
• To have someone to start a family with

Not to have someone who makes me feel worthwhile--I know on my own that I'm worthwhile. Not someone to run to when I'm lonely and insecure--I find confidence within myself.
And sometimes, if I'm feeling emotional, I remind myself of why I got married in the first place--with these clear-cut goals. It helps to calm and clear my mind.

The goal of marriage isn't about having someone to be your crutch because you're too weak on your own; it's not about being an incomplete half who has to have someone else to be whole. It's about being a strong whole who is ready to combine with another whole, in order to create something so much stronger and brighter, and so full of potential.

If you're single, it's for a good reason: Get in touch with yourself and your life. Figure where and who you need to be. Be strong and balanced, so you'll be ready to join your life with another's. I'm so glad for my stint of single-hood; it gave me a chance to be ready to be in a relationship.

Don't think this outlook is unromantic; in fact, there's even more potential for romance in this kind of a relationship, because both partners are confident and secure in themselves. And that makes the special moments special purely for their value; not for the sense of neediness or insecurity.

My relationship is healthy, and I have a healthy sense of self-respect and self-esteem. My husband supports me, he doesn't treat me like I'm incapable of being strong and valuable on my own. And I go to him with my issues if I need to; but I find my main sense of balance and validation from within. I don't let myself do otherwise.

Ego's Role in Marriage

It's been a little more than a month since I married my wonderful husband, and there is one prevailing lesson I've learned/am learning about marriage (and relationships in general): Ego is the root cause of all disharmony in a relationship.

Ego can absolutely soil the happiest, sweetest relationship. I'm not saying let yourself become a welcome mat. What I'm saying is this: If you're too busy focusing on your "due," you'll turn a loving relationship into two selfish people focused only on getting what they each need. Your spouse will mirror your attitude toward the relationship.

Sometimes, maybe you'll give a lot and not get as much back. Instead of bitterly worrying over what you "deserve," and making damn sure you get it, view everything "extra" (the things you do that you don't feel you're being "paid back" for) as a pure gift of kindness to your spouse. You'll be pleasantly surprised at the tranquility and sense of self-satisfaction you'll have from this approach. (And in marriage or any seriously committed relationship, you need that peace of mind, unless you want to be seriously committed.)

Stop keeping tally. Just give. Sometimes, you'll do more giving; sometimes you'll do more receiving. Just trust that in the end, it all balances out. Don't be like petty immature preschoolers who are so concerned about getting exactly the same amount of snack as the others, that they A) don't appreciate or enjoy what they do have, B) don't enjoy it as fully as they could have, and C) don't realize that their piece of graham cracker is already comparable anyway! Does it actually matter how much graham cracker a kid gets as long as he is satisfied? Of course not! It's just a sense of ego, whispering "Well, it's the POINT of the thing." Screw the point, screw your spouse, and you'll feel better.

 Just get past and over your ego, and your entire relationship will benefit so much. And don't worry about if your spouse is doing the same or not; worry about YOU. Eventually, your spouse will mirror your attitude. But honestly? If you're really giving of yourself the right, complete way, you won't even care at that point if your spouse is giving to you the same way you're giving to him (her). Why? Because the main focus of this attitude is focus on giving, not on receiving. (Not to say you can't enjoy what you do receive, but your only focus isn't just on GETTING.)

Feel like you're being taken advantage of? First do a reality check: Is this really him (her) asking me for so much, or is it my ego flaring up? Most often, it's ego.
If it legitimately seems like you're still being taken advantage of, communicate your feelings to your spouse. Don't be hostile, just be real. (Though, I can be hostile when I'm real--it's a difficult balance to strike.) Talk about how you FEEL, not what the other person is doing wrong.

Sometimes, your significant other just acts like an idiot. Sometimes you act like an idiot and your SO gets in the way of it. And sometimes your nerves are just worn thin from sharing your life and home with someone else 24/7. But don't automatically balk when you're called upon to give in a relationship; it's what a relationship is all about. Don't let your ego ruin the potential of what your relationship can be, and who you as an individual can be.